let me know you're here

I need to know that things are gonna look up
Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

...

I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

 

- "Calling All Angels" by Train

 

 

i demand a sign.  this time, before i jump ahead of myself, i demand that a sign be given before i let down the defenses.  i want the kind that needs me to think and reflect, the kind that you don't throw in my face.  the kind that is subtle, yet undeniably present.  this is not too much, believe me. 

 

this morning i woke up with his name on my lips.  i wondered whether he was at home or if he had work even on a sunday.  i wondered if he'd had breakfast.  i wondered where he usually goes to relax or hang out.  i'm getting my interest piqued.  but the walls are still up, and i don't want to let them down just yet.  i just want to find out things about him. 

 

how do i talk to him?  how do i even start?  i can't even seem to think of an appropriate topic.   yesterday i came to within an inch of asking someone if he was seeing anyone.  but i decided a long time ago to do away with bridges and go-betweens.  if i want to find out something about someone, i will do it on my own.

 

do i dare?  what's the next step to take?  do i call him up, let myself get to the point?  do i try the business-like approach and ask him for more referrals and tips on how to do my job?  do i take the foolish track and send him messages on his phone "by mistake"?

 

so there you go. there's a guy on my mind right now.  i don't know where he's been or where he's going.  but i'd like to walk a little while beside him, if i see him.  just check him out.  i could learn something. 

 

but first i want a sign.  i'm leaving the office now.  i'll be on the road.  in much the same way that bai closed his eyes towards the end of this movie (which i thoroughly enjoyed), so will i.  count to ten.  then leave.  it's cheesy i know, but i have no other options.  i really like this guy, but i need a sign. 

 

if god wants to drop a sign on me and convince me this is worth it, then i implore the divinities to do it now.   there is no better time.