i had a dream last night

if he loved you, like i loved you

i won't walk away in shame

i'd move town and change my name...

when we dance

sting

 

 

i was probably being delusional last night. the truth is for the past few days, since the weekend, i haven't been feeling well, and i had a slight fever last night as i went to sleep.  there i was holding him, and i was standing behind him, and he was receiving me. 

 

he was receiving me. the entire continent of his skin was mine to touch. there remained no hidden corner that was not there for me to stare at, or touch, or kiss.

 

my heart was beating fast. at last, at last, at last.

 

but it isn't right. it's been too long since i said it's over. and there is absolutely no reason why i should even think it was a subconscious drive that conjured the images from last night's dream.

 

he is with someone now.  someone who can't measure up to what i could have had for him.  and maybe that's what is at the bottom of my dream.  here i am, still wondering what it would have been like had i been given half a chance.  but i know better half a chance is too much for someone who doesn't even deserve the effort.

 

it must have been the slight fever.