20 things to make you go "ewwwww!"

Song of the Moment: Baby, One More Time by Marty Casey
To Do (tasks, not people): fix schedule for long weekend
Current State: selfless. charing!
~~~~~~~~~~



tagged by ederic. go spread the love around folks. 20 random facts about yourself and tag a number of people based on the minutes it took you to complete the task.

1. I think my life is a soundtrack of a thousand songs.

2. I'm not afraid of burning bridges. With anyone.

3. I've never been in love. And i secretly enjoy the fact.

4. I'm a whore in bed.

5. I'm not really as stuck up and uptight as I'd like people to think.

6. I bear grudges (more than lonely high court judges, hehehe)

7. I have an entire list of people I have never forgiven from way back in college.

8. I have a scar from my appendectomy two years ago, and I love it. "No body" should be perfect.

9. I think Corey Wills has the most admirable body in the universe. Nothing sexual, I just like the cuts and curves on him. Okay, okay, a bit sexual too. And he's vegan!

10. I want to be famous. But for the right reasons, duh!

11. I froze in front of my entire high school back in 91 when they made me lead the singing of the national anthem. Poof went my dreams of becoming a famous rockstar.

12. I hate people who, on their way down, push the 'up' button on elevators. "Ah excuse me po, hindi po bibilis ang pag-akyat ng elevator pag pinindot nyo yan. Grr!"

13. I want to have kids someday.

14. I have a savior complex lurking somewhere inside of me.

15. For me, nothing beats hanging out at home reading or watching movies.

16. I will probably go abroad if there was nothing holding me back here.

17. I am not attracted to straight guys.

18. My all-time favorite dish is pochero, and I never never never eat ampalaya and okra.

19. The most daring sex I've ever had is on the balcony of a condominium. With myself. Har har. Joke!

20. I have this secret fear that I appear untrustworthy to people, but the truth is, all my close friends have shared at least one very very important secret with me and I have never told anyone else. (You know who you people are, and you will attest to this.)

i am tagging the following people (lab ya pips!!! harhar :P ): marnie * ska * che ingles * bulan * angelo * em * tony * symonette * fay * cza * rhudie * angelo * tasha

deathly

my hands are so cold right now. i feel this morning's coffee going up my throat. if i don't smoke the day away i am afraid i'll blow a fuse and run the summer of 2004 all over again. i guess i'll just withdraw for a while, and just put up the long-held unsent i had wanted to put up here:

"m., i may not understand what the silence is all about, but i just want you to know that whatever it is that's going on in your head, i respect it. when you know what you want, maybe i'll still be here."

oriah, again

Song of the Moment: Groovejet, Spiller
To Do (tasks, not people): meet up with Cess
Current State: enthralled
~~~~~~~~~~


Perpetual Present

I try to memorize him
with the soft pads of my fingertips.
Closing my eyes
and slowly tracing
the cheekbone's rise and gleam
the moist, fragile skin around the eye
the jawbone
square, angled, tight
roughened by the days relentless growth.
I will my heart into my fingertips
and move them through the soft curling
hair on the broad chest
rising and falling
rising and falling over the heart.
My hand moves down the hard belly
And I find
I cannot remember,
in every detail,
the line of his face
I touched only a moment ago.
It has already begun to fade.

And I had wanted to hold it forever.

He strokes my arm
runs his broad fingers
down the naked curve of my back
over the smoothness of my thigh
draped across him.
Is he trying to memorize me also?

We cannot hang on to this moment
Even knowing it is the last moment.
Life pulls us
like a great tidal wave
sweeping us forward
dragging us into the perpetual present.
Our memories of this moment
will change and be shaped
by new desires and disappointments.

And I will forget I knew even this.

long weekend plans, yipee

Song of the Moment: Sweet the Sting, Tori Amos
To Do (tasks, not people): get some rest to stave off a possible flu
Current State: wondering
~~~~~~~~~~



October 22 (?) - 24 (?)
Mt. Pinatubo Open Climb


October 30, 2005
2:30 pm
Onstage at Greenbelt


November 4/5, 2005
8 pm
Republic of Malate

~~~~~~

now if i only had an idea as to how i will possibly finance all these distractions. and if my companion will be who i want it to be.

what i fear

Song of the Moment: Ghost in You, Counting Crows
To Do (tasks, not people): get a grip
Current State: happy with my new apartment
~~~~~~~~~~




i'm afraid of this making me happy. because i'm afraid for every laugh a tear must fall. i'm afraid of letting go, because i might end up some place i would never want to leave. i'm afraid of the space between words, because i have no idea what the silence is saying. i'm afraid of all these 'precious illusions' because i've been blindsided before.

i'm petrified. and it feels so freaking good.

buffet!

Song of the Moment: I'm About to Come Alive, Train
To Do (tasks, not people): still on that fucking 10k-word essay
Current State: hungry
~~~~~~~~~~

what else is there to say to you?

Song of the Moment: see below
To Do (tasks, not people): build up a 10k-word essay from a 1K-word draft. leche.
Current State: excited
~~~~~~~~~~


I held the pieces petals of my soul
I was shattered
and I wanted you
to come and help make me whole
Then I saw you yesterday (finally)
But you didn't notice
And you So I just walked away.

mantra for 28

And as the sun would set you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me
You've closed your eyes you no longer see

-No Ordinary Morning, Chicane

~~~~~~~~~~


the power is mine.
stay the course,
just keep making tiny corrections
as you go along.

shadowblog

Song of the Moment: You and Me, Lifehouse
To Do (tasks, not people): scrimp
Current State: disturbed
~~~~~~~~~~



whatever you do in the dark will eventually come into light.

this is precisely what i meant when i said one ought to be careful when he or she is posting his or her shit online. people are bound to find their way to your site one way or the other.

you see, there's this small cabal of bratty girls who actually took the extra step just to bitch and whine about someone else's life. what was supposed to be private conversations over yahoo messenger were edited and pasted onto a blog whose existence no one knew except for those taking part in those conversations. until recently when the objects of their exchanges found out about their little secret blog.

for the most part, these conversations were about a friend and his girlfriend. and for some inexplicable reason these girls had nothing but the worst things to say about my friend and his s.o. but a further reading reveals that one of them is actually an ex-prospect of my friend. or at least that's how i appreciate the pieces of information that were relayed in those YM conversations.

but despite their valiant efforts to clean up their thrash talk, the dim-bulbed young ones weren't tidy enough. in their liaisons, references were made to several objects that further gave away their identities, or at least two of them.

if one wants to make a case on stalking these people are prime candidates. not only are they guilty of stalking, they are also guilty of defamation. not only did they talk about my friend, they assaulted and insulted his character. malice is inferred when one gets to think that one or all of them have an axe to grind with this friend.

not only did they traipse around the guy's blog unnoticed and undetected, not leaving even an anonymous comment. they actually went as far as going through it line by line and tearing his grammar, job, girlfriend, his life into shreds.

when i blog-hop, i close the window if i don't like the writing. or i don't like the person. or if the person thinks i'm stalking him because i refuse to identify myself. i mean, blogs like that are best left alone to rot. but to actually put up a shadowblog to actually talk about someone else's blog and try to bring them down? did these girls really think they could get away with it?

it's a privacy thing i guess. we all put something on the line when we blog. like i've said before, if we don't like people talking about us or leaving anonymous comments on our blogs then we shouldn't be blogging or linking like famewhores all over the place.

but with blogging one must also be circumspect with his or in this case, HER statements. when i say it's your right to post your shit online, i guess i hadn't thought about people actually putting up shit like what i saw in that shadowblog. i just hope they're ready for payback.

moving out, part 2

Song of the Moment: I'm Still Here, Vertical Horizon
To Do (tasks, not people): apply for GSIS loan
Current State: pwede ba? pasalamat ka may tumingin pa sa yo. di ka naman kaguwapuhan. susme.
~~~~~~~~~~



finally got an apartment. a 2-storey, 2-bedroom unit with a matching veranda, to boot. the receiving area is so spacious, so if this pushes through, i will be investing a bit in interiors. *guffaw*. god can i be any gay-er?

things do have a way of working out for the better. it pays to be optimistic.

househunting was such a bummer that i was already raring and stressing to pick a fight in the past few days. with just about anyone.

but now i just want to catch up on sleep. there's still a ton of readings to go over and an application to file by next week. oh, and yes, a downpayment to be made. *yaiks*

this one goes around in a circle

Song of the Moment: Beauty on the Fire by Natalie Imbruglia
To Do (tasks, not people): read up on Marcos wealth issue
Current State: busog
~~~~~~~~~

you don't know me, and i think you don't even want to try. but wanting is not needing; when i need to put you behind me, and that just makes me think about you even more. and the more i think about you, the more i find this situation funny. because the funny thing is, i keep coming back to you. you have your back turned to me and it all feels stupid. and this is stupid because it's true. and it's true because i'm letting these words just come out, even if they don't sound right. and what's right is what i should be doing, and doing nothing is in itself saying a lot. and when there's a lot that need to be said, i can just go ahead and say why don't i even try, but even if i did would i know you? because i don't know you. and hit me on the head because i don't even want to try.

the secret to success

sigh. what about the rest of us suckers?

This equation should be a mantra to all:

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11= 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

but

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hardwork and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.

the love vibe and the inner center

are there really people who "repel the love vibe", as a friend put it?

how does it work? i mean, i am yet to met anyone who consciously avoids this feeling, for all its often exaggerated qualities. is it a subconscious thing, and if so, how does one avoid it?

my friend says "to be more accepting, more responsive to possibilities". which, she says, "doesn't mean falling headlong in love with the first guy who offers the same". my great comeback for that line? "tell that to *beep beep*!" it wasn't a good comeback, but it got me thinking. how does one become more accepting and more responsive? i'm sure it doesn't mean fucking around like crazy.

well this friend of mine gave me an idea. she said her 'press release' is that she doesn't want love. yet she admits that she could be lying to herself. this art, this fantastic facade of emotional 'deadma', as she called it, is one of the stupidest things i have employed myself when i want to take shelter in my own carapace and shut out the world because the possibility of getting hurt scares the shit out of me.

the slightest hint of rejection and what do i do? i take two steps back and bitch about it online, or over coffee. i think that's my defense mechanism, my 'press release' -- my means to avoid the unpleasantness of not meeting someone halfway.

we need some sort of discernment, this friend of mine and i. i told her that maybe she needs to find her inner center. whatever that means.

for me it means recognizing the very fact of where i am right now. i'm alone, and getting by. and that's not too bad in itself. i want to do a lot of things (like kill my landlady, for example, hehe. joke!), and whether i have someone to do it with or not doesn't make a difference. yes, i want IT. yes, i need IT. but why force my luck?

it is done!

finally! i reckon i must have spent about 8 hours tinkering with literally thousands of strings of codes and voila! the design is still hardly out of the box, since i am still constrained by the milits of free webhosting, but it's damned better looking than your ordinary run of the mill templates out there. :) and best of all, it's all me -- self-taught.

so what are the new features? well, the header first. the template was ripped out and instead i just have the code for the blog title left in. i added the graphics which i initially wanted to marquee, but decided against it after the preview. ugh. fugly. the pics will definitely change in the future, but for now they link to some of the most "revealing confessions" made in this blog. in the past this was the sidebar item for my most cherished articles.

for the body -- it's pretty obvious. courtesy of blogger hacks, the posts are hidden and can be rolled down when you click that +/- sign below. the time stamp has been revamped, and so was the comment link. this was the most difficult part because i couldn't locate the right place for the hacks. i must have gone thru a hundred trials and dozens of errors for this.

as a result, the page loads easier, and one can easily choose which confession to browse through. looking at the comments becomes easier too because it's right there na. no more taking you to a new page or to a pop-up window.

and as for the sidebar, almost all the graphics are gone save the flickr badge. so sue me. i like looking at my pictures. hehehe. the pofile box has been removed, allowing me to create my own profile.

the links to my friends are intact, but everything else is gone including the links to my advocacies. i haven't figured a way to replicate the scroll menu for the archive, which i want to apply to all my sidebar lists. and the archive is still ascending. the code to make it descending is still driving me nuts.

and just to go for that reader-friendly look, i've added a google search bar which can be used to search the site. if you want to find out if i ever talked about you in the 3 years that this blog has been up, you know what to do.

finally, the footer. actually i lost the code, that's why there is no space after the last post. hehehehe!

so there you go. blog overhauled. in form, yes. but in content? well, here's hoping that with the old template, the stories that have to go are gone as well. i'll know when i sit down to actually write a new entry. cheers!