review (aka there is so much more to life than vultures and thieves)

Song of the Moment: La Vie Boheme from RENT, the Musical
To Do (tasks, not people): discover more of Maginhawa
Current State: in transition
~~~~~~~~~~



1. climb a mountain.

the good news is i've done this. the bad news is, i might have to find a new way to continue this hobby.

2. quit smoking.

fail! still trying, damn it.

3. go vegan.

in progress! still a voracious carnivore, but one of these days i will, for the first time in my life, eat ampalaya.

4. watch more plays and musicals.

done! i've seen some in the past year, for an average of about one every two months. let's try to up it to once a month.

5. learn a foreign language

fail! i might have to drop ths one in favor of swimming and biking lessons which eileen and iona promised me. *hint, hint*

6. be less judgmental.

fail! just because some people deserve it.

7. go back to the gym.

fail! i think i might have to drop this one too, because people keep saying i'm losing weight, for some unfathomable reason. i think it's insomnia.

8. get on track to financial independence.

in progress!

9. travel.

in progress! i've been out of town four times in three months, and that's a plus, right?

10. find someone worthy and then go after him until he gives in.

although i've said 2006 was not the year for this, i still choose to believe: one day, someday.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

excuse me while i disappear

Have you ever had the feeling
That the world's gone and left you behind
Have you ever had the feeling
That you're that close to losing your mind

You look around each corner
Hoping that she's there
You try to play it cool perhaps
Pretend that you don't care

But it doesn't do a bit of good
You got to seek till you find
Are you never unwind

Try to think
That love is not around
Still it's uncomfortably near

My old heart
Ain't gaining no ground
Because my angel eyes ain't here

Angel eyes
That old devil sent
They glow unbearably bright
Need I say
That my love's misspent
Misspent with angel eyes tonight

So drink up all you people
Order anything you see
Have fun you happy people
The drink and the laugh's on me

Pardon me
But I gotta run
The fact's uncomfortably clear
Gotta find
Who's now number one
And why my angel eyes ain't here
Tell me why my angel eyes ain't here
Excusez moi my angel eyes ain't here
Excuse me while I disappear

- Sting, Angel Eyes

next stop: here

Song of the Moment: Fools Like Me by Lisa Loeb
To Do (tasks, not people): get some moolah
Current State: positively stranded
~~~~~~~~~~





this is where i am heading out next month. by all i hold holy, i'm going. maybe by myself. :D

graces

Song of the Moment: No Day But Today, from RENT, the Musical
To Do (tasks, not people): see some falling stars
Current State: ---
~~~~~~~~~~





when one has got nowhere to go,

it's good to know some people are still willing to stick it out with you even if you

say all you want to do is curl up in some corner and mope, or die.

beachfront stroll, april 15, 6am

woke up in the middle of the night on the beach, went back to yvonne's tent and woke up again at 5 am, chatted with her by the beachfront where we laid out the tarp and continued our little talk. by 6 am, other bluehearts were awake already and while they heated water for coffee i strolled on the beach and took shots of the rock formation on the other end of the cove. before i took those pictures, i took this video. i needed to sweat out the alcohol. and the other gabage in my system.

you should have known better because you were my friend.

and don't use alcohol as a fucking excuse because 'i didn't know what i was doing because i was drunk' has got to be the lamest excuse ever used, because it isn't true.

how long were you planning on keeping this from me? you looked me in the eye and you lied, and i resent that. no, resent is an understatement. it is unacceptable. did you lie further and told me he wasn't there when he actually was until the following morning?

and you dare forward me advice on how to deal with my problem? don't try to be funny, you are PART of the problem.

somewhere along the way there was deception in all this, and i was the unwitting victim. and i've had enough. i can't help but think you were behind the deception. after all, you DO have a pattern of deceit. you never use your real name in coffee shops, and i still have those prank texts you sent me in a span of several months from last year.

i'm just smarting from all this because the last one made a huge fool out of me, and i swore i wasn't going to fall for the same trick so soon. and this time, i had a friend who was complicit in the deception, whether willingly or not. the point is, you took note of how i felt before ultimately taking care of yourself. i can't afford to have a friend like that.

Anawangin, April 14-15

Song of the Moment: Fuck You and Your Beautiful Face, LIz Phair
To Do (tasks, not people): a lot of nothing
Current State: accepting
~~~~~~~~~~




rock formation


packing up for the trip home


trinkets


pure shores


chillin'


haunted by water

Mga Alon ng Anawangin

Ang bawat alon sa baybay ng Anawangin ay isang buhay na may kwentong inilalahad. Minsan umaakyat, minsan humuhupa. Kapag nagalit, nagwawala.

Humahampas sa dalampasigan ang mga kwentong inilalahad, inililihim.

Isang araw ang lumubog. Isang buwan ang sumikat. Nakakatawa, dahil sa dilim, nalaman din ang totoo, kung kailan walang ilaw na gasgas nang sinasambit at palaging ikinakawing sa katotohanan.

Tuloy ang pag-agos. Tuloy ang paghampas at kumpas ng alon. Kahit sinungaling ang araw at walang bayag ang buwan. Iyo ang kapangyarihang maglakbay nang hindi nakakapit sa kamay nino man.

because sometimes one needs to pat himself in the back

Song of the Moment: N o White Flag by Dido
To Do (tasks, not people): move on
Current State: stronger than I think
~~~~~~~~~~



M E M O R A N D U M

TO: Myself

FROM: Prof. Better Judgment and Ms. Sensibility

RE: last night

DATE: April 1, 2006; 4 a.m.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Dear Mr. Cruz,

This is to inform you that your judgments remain seldom off the mark, and that you do know better and you HAVE grown, no matter what other people might think.

We are impressed with your tact and your ability to stay calm despite an otherwise embarassing episode in which had it been you two years ago that was there, a scene might have ensued.

We also commend the exemplary courage you displayed in letting go. You are well-advised not to dwell and try to make sense of something that obviously doesn't make sense. It is better to continue treading the path you are on now. We are particularly elated that you are giving serious thought to taking up a new hobby aside from trekking and we hope that you do get to pursue those interests that have your adrenaline rushing everytime you talk about them.

We have reviewed and assessed the goals you have set for yourself last year. The goals you said you would like to achieve before you turn 29, and sad to say it seems that only a couple of goals have reached consummation -- your stated goal of cultural exposure and mountain climbing. Quitting smoking, learnign a foreign language and taking on vegetarianism seem to have dropped from your consciousness and we would liek to remind you that it is necessary to develop these goals in order to achieve the healthy and well-rounded lifestyle you so earnestly desire.

We would also like to remind you that just because you get it wrong a lot doesn't mean you will get it wrong for ever. It does help, Mr. Cruz, to be aware of your patterns and your deeply-embedded emotional responses, but you cannot be anyone else except who you are. You deserve respect, but you have to give it to yourself before anybody else does. Always remember that.

Finally, please stop listening to love songs. The singer didnt have you in mind when they wrote/sang it. It's time to create your own melody. In more ways than one.

Thank you for your time and we hope that we have been of help once again.


_end.
file - V:/Lifelessons/docus/memo#c3