consigned

Song of the Moment: Track of My Tears, Gavin Degraw
To Do (tasks, not people): stop digging my heels in
Current State: sick
~~~~~~~~~~

this space has been quite dead for the past week or so because there really isn't much to talk about.

not that there hasn't been anything going on. there's the usual meetings-up with friends. cess is fab and looking for a job. nina and i have settled our weeks-old "cold war". iona and i did some stuff for the first time in the past few days. (national bookstore warehouse sale! paid lounge at the shang! watch a movie together! have me over at her house for dinner! watch a SEA game! all in one day -- which probably explains why i am feeling a bit under the weather right now.)

but aside from that i can't really say my life has taken a pivotal turn in this, my first quarter of being 28. there was that episode in october which is all but forgotten by the actors. there was that (well-appreciated) raise this month. the pinto mice gave birth to three more babies last week. oh and yeah, this tiny little exam last sunday which could send me off in an entirely new direction in the next year (or be a source of constant humiliation).

but otherwise, what else is there to talk about?

i guess i'm static. tony might have infected me with the virus he had about a month ago. that's exactly how i feel right now. i still love the people i love. and i still hate the people i hate. and in between are confessions over coffee.

caffeine overload, pocket burn and i get this dandy planner in return. nice. send me off to 06 please. i can't wait for 05 to turn over the page. maybe january will be exciting.


*******************

je souhaite vous pourriez avoir juste dit il que dehors fort vous pourriez avoir dit, aucun ceci est une affaire d'un projectile mais le numéro vous vous êtes trouvé vous dit vous a voulu m'avoir plus de pour le week-end nous a laissés aller au zoo vous vous êtes trouvé maintenant je suis fâché mais plus que celui je sois tristes que nous pourrions avoir juste marché autour de vous sachions. une La "avant lever de soleil". mais numéro vous avez dû balancez demain avant mes yeux, quand "ce soir" était tout que j'ai eu pour voir ? le soleil n'a pas monté encore et c'est tout votre défaut.

expo'ed

Song of the Moment: (Don't) Give Hate a Chance, Jamiroquai
To Do (tasks, not people): pay up for LAE
Current State: content
~~~~~~~~~~



it was a very sad turn of events, and there was no complaining. tune's mom had a heart attack. i guess with no tent and no other amenities, there was no way i would have been able to go alone for the pinatubo trip. better luck next time, i guess. so much for moving heaven and earth. remind myself never to challenge the elements again.

in any case the alternative was just as splendid. my body may not have moved spaces, but on a saturday night out with iona, my mind felt like it was expanding its horizons.

we went to the marikina shoe expo to just hang out and grab dinner at bellini's. the place is quiet and obscure. intimate. it's a compound of mini-shops with hidden treasures. we went to jeremy's furniture shop and lounged in P30,000 chairs. i found this so-called "tongue chair" and i didn't want to leave it. it's curved in the shape of its namesake and made out of suede, whch you can have customized to whatever color you want. it's affordable, and i was thinking of getting it instead of this area rug i saw last friday at sm.

we then went on to vintage pop where a plethora of goodies from eras gone by were in storage and for sale. i fell in love with this multi-media painting but my jaw dropped at the price. the shop has a grammophone, a jukebox and a pinball machine -- all working, and for sale for amounts i didn't even dare ask. they also have a life-sized billboard of cinema paradiso, dangling ethnic earrings with marilyn monroe portraits in them, vintage clocks from another era, among other things.

another vintage shop across jeremy's furniture shop contained framed pictures of elvis presley which go for P350 each, and i intend to get a couple for my room. i was also thinking of getting this huge frame with stamp-size portraits of stars from the 50s and 60s including tita duran, pancho magallona, eddie garcia, bella flores, etc. they're so cute.

afterwards iona and i had dinner at bellini's. affordable food, and i'm pretty proud of my choice of pizza -- at tutti mare -- seafood pizza with squid, sardines and whatelse on it. we asked for bread (wait a minute, iona did) and they gave us a loaf and some balsamic vinegar to go with it and after dinner they served us sweet wine. and we were laughing our asses off wondering all the while if they were complimentary. they were not. dang. we had fun pretending to be primand proper over the fine dining experience, then we went all jologs when we found the table we were in was a designated smoking area.

then off we went to future prospects where 'quarter', a video installation was being featured. we sat on the floor of the second level and tuned out to this mix-mash of video images of a woman in tattered brown dress, of open spaces and highways and skies with falling stars and exploding little dots. ack, i can't go artsy and even try to explain it. it just felt like the video was about borders and bondaries and open spaces, as i told iona. and we left it at that to meet up with ramby and amihan afterwards.

we hung out for a while listening to electronica/new wave/punk music at pablo's where this one-man exhibit was opening. i liked this tiny little portrait of an alien that was on display. i wanted to steal it, but i was distracted by this cute guy in white.

but what the hell. i wasn't there for the men. i was there for the obvious intellectualism of the place. the place is just seething with art, with creativity and an in-your-face challenge to the humdrum of the nearby gateway with its faux socialite crowd and obnoxious coffee hoes.

i'll be back.

start trek

Song of the Moment: Kwarto, Sugarfree
To Do (tasks, not people): prepare backpack for trip
Current State: excited
~~~~~~~~~~



i am now more than 90% sure that the pinatubo trek is pushing through. companion. check. backpack. check. things to buy. check. things to bring. check. payment for the fee. check.

the only thing that would stop me is if the projected income doesn't pay off by tomorrow. it doesn't help that stories like this make my adrenaline flow faster. i am so excited. and look at these pictures! i swear i am going to move heaven and earth for this trip.

anytime

Song of the Moment: The Blower's Daughter, Damien Rice
To Do (tasks, not people): pay up for the Pinatubo trek
Current State: longing
~~~~~~~~~~


so i went jogging at UP last sunday. i was reminded of what date it was as i passed by the faculty center. and i missed him and his cleft chin. and his eyes and his lips. and that hair.

somewhere out there is a world where he is teaching me all about bjork. and gluck. and jorie graham. and we're making love to sigur ros. here i am left wishing i could say 'he's back, he's back'. in that world i am big enough to hold him. here, i am big enough only to realize he probably doesn't even think about me.

i started running faster. i wanted to leave the feeling behind. but today i saw his face again. and i got caught up. i guess there's no distance you can run between the one you want and the one true thing you feel. they'll always go together.

gudlak kung aabot kami ng bundok nang ganito ang usapan

Song of the Moment: Shape of My Heart, Sting
To Do (tasks, not people): finish work so I can fly the coop
Current State: dizzy
~~~~~~~~~~



VINCENT eto yung itinerary ng pinatubo trek. As in CRATER ang punta nito mga jokla!!!!!!!! Ang fun di ba?

TUNE keri! anong group? magkano at kelan pre climb meeting? ... tapos vincent sumama ka din sa BlueHearts ha.

VINCENT wa preclimb mtg eh, hahahaha. go lang mga bakla, bring lots of water at shorts kasi may river portion at may lahar portion at may kweba portion at may falls portion. happiness!!!!!!!!!

900 inc of souvenir tshirt at transpo

JOEY keri lang ang 900 pero kasama ba dun ang lafang? di naman matarik yan di ba? ok lang pag newbie?

VINCENT ndi kasama lafang, bring ur own. ang mantra ay be "self-contained". oks lang pag newbie, as in lahat yata ay bago lang, sabi ni ******, ang experienced lang daw ay "kami-kami lang" so mga organizer lang yun malamang. hehehehe

JOEY kelan ang deadline ng registration...ipaconfirm mo na ko...kanino ibibigay ang bayad? mag stay na lang tayo sa isang lugar sa 18 (friday) para sabay sabay na tayo monumento...

VINCENT lumipas na ang deadline ng reg'n pero keri lang. nakiusap naman ako sa organizer. Sabi ko may isasama pa ako. naturally, he relented to my indubitable charm. har har.

payment is on the day itself kaya bayot wag nang humada.

sa friday tira tayo ng starbucks para ika nga ni kuya germs "WALANG TULUUUGAAAAAAN!!!" mukhang mas mura yun kesa mag-check in ng wala naming bitbit na lalake, di ba?

TUNE what time ba ang kitaan at saan? kung type nyo sa bahay na lang tayo magtulog at ako ang gigising sa inyo, pero ipapa alam ko pala muna yan sa aking landlady at yan ay kung type nyo. Mga bakla baka dapat wag tayong magpuyat kasi aakyat tayo ng bundok we need energy.

ano bang dapat dahilin, like lafang meaning luto na o may dala silang lutuan? kasi kung lulutuin baka we need to plan our meal, like sino ang magdadala ng bigas, at ano ang ulam natin, syempre maggulay tayo para light lang sa tyan at ng maka akyat tayo. Para kunwari talagang healthly living tayo

at syempre walang indianan ha! at sana yung 2 dyan sumama naman ng maiba iba naman ang weekend nyo no.

VINCENT ano?!? bigas? cook? me?!? one word: piattos! :P keri ko makitulog sa inyo tune, pwede ding maghang out sa starbucks. para tuloy makakolekta ako ng stickers for the 2006 planner. hihihi.

TUNE bakla di tayo tatagal sa piatos. ano na number?

kung starbucks ayaw ko sa gateway kasi si **** ay until 9:00pm lang at wala na tayong ibang makikita dun kundi yung inookray nating pokpok na mama. merong kaming bagong nadiscover na cute na barista ni hazel, starbucks katipunan. pero matutulog pala ako nyan.

VINCENT mga jokla mas okay kung gateway kasi sa monumento ang rendezvous (ren-des-bus). hayaan mo naman akong makapag-babay kay ****. huhuhu. active na naman daw kasi ang pinatubo.

eto na siya: 092*********. pero sori ka na lang kasi boses bading, mwehehehe. kaya go ahead make my day mader.

"kidnapped" for the weekend

Song of the Moment: some Maroon 5 song playing right now
To Do (tasks, not people): budget my wee
Current State: restless
~~~~~~~~~~



it was my niece dianne's birthday last friday. mom and i dropped by the old neighbourhood at manila tugging along a chocolate treat cake, with the sweet dedication "happy 8th birthday dianne from mommy and tito bing". the lovely little lass, we would later find out, is just 7. and yes, all my relatives call me by that name (not "mommy", wiseass).

anyway, my titas just came back from toronto for a two-week vacation and dropped by my brother's house as well. i haven't seen them in more than ten years. they were shocked at how tall i'd grown with long curly hair and sporting a goatee, to boot. right on the spot they dragged me back with them to the old quaint town of calumpit so i could see the rest of the paternal clan.

so i saw them. it was nice to get re-acquainted with my relatives. the source of my gene pool was reaffirmed. the sharp crooked nose, the curly hair, the wide forehead, and less visibly, the temper and (i hope) the smarts.

and i took the time to fulfill a promise i had made to myself back in college. i went to see him.

don't worry, there wasn't too much drama. my cousin jp was amusing enough with his paranoia over the possibility of seeing ghosts at the cemetery. in fact, when we visited the pace where dad is buried i felt just a bit sad, but more fulfilled and unfortunately, very angry.

i hadn't been there since...well, since the day he was buried there. but i remember the rice field right beside the cemetery, the narrow passageway leading into the place, the overcrowding of catacombs of various sizes and designs.

what got me mad was that right beside my dad's puntod, someone else had been buried, and there was no more than two inches of space separating their tombs, and half of his lapida had been covered.

and ths is very embarassing to say but, there's like, five of the nabongs in my dad's puntod.

i didn't know the guy, i don't remember anything about him, but it just upset me to see the condition of his burial spot. and the worst part was that i felt like i was in no position to complain to my titas. i'm the nephew they haven't seen in more than 10 years, remember?

then i get to think about the floods from last year. my god. i dread to imagine what happened to the cemetery that time. (for those not familiar, calumpit is right beside pampanga. they have recurring floods in the town because of the dams all over the region and pinatubo's lahar induced floods. last year tv patrol ran a sensational story about people from calumpit eating rats because of the calamity.)

anyhoo, i lit a candle for him. i looked back while my cousins made their way out. i felt a bit of a tug. but i got over it soon enough. my promise had been fulfilled. it's time to make a new one. i'm moving him out of there. that is, barring any death in the near future, which according to bulakenyo tradition means you can't move those already dead from their spot for five years.

i so want to bypass that tradition. eventhough i know it woud cost a lot of money. but i can probably bring it up with dianne's dad who is also on vacation from libya. but i think i have to defer to the customs of my relatives. i know, i know, it doesn't make sense, but hey, it's respect. the same way i left my plates on the dinner table because kaka or tita sonia wasn't done eating yet. or the same way i would make the mano po gesture more than a hundred dozen times. or the same way my voice would also inflect with the distinctive calumpit accent everytime i spoke to emphasize filial piety and the gentleness of the town's people to each other.

but i left all that as we drove to the airport on sunday morning. except for the burial thing. that one just keeps bugging me. that's my dad! i can't say i love him. but he's family. that has to mean something, right?

retrograde

Song of the Moment: Tender, Blur and Wake Up, Alanis Morissette
To Do (tasks, not people): watch Rockstar INXS reruns on 5
Current State: rejuvenated
~~~~~~~~~~




the past few days i've been going through some backtracking. i don't know if any swift-moving planet is in retrograde right now. but in any case, it's a case of "re-"ing everything, it seems.

i started re-reading veronika decides to die last night. coelho talks a lot of BS. i'm ditching him. tell me something i don't know yet. and if i don't know it yet, don't talk it down to me, por favor.

i am re-acquainting myself with reality TV. i've realized it's not healthy to invest emotions into contestants. i thought the gaghans were so-so before, but i never realized daddy was a daddy-oh! and the kids were wonderful and bright until i actually sat down for today's episode all throughout only to see them get the boot.

i am re-investing in my friends. last saturday cess and i met up at market market. my new favorite mall in the universe, because guess what -- there's like, only five people on the whole building!! yey! and we watched a movie called doom and made fun of the rock's acting and swooned over karl urban. and then we had coffee and relived the stories of the past month we lost between us and it was ugly and sad, but aja, aja it is. then last sunday it was marnie's turn and we bummed around gateway til midnight. we made a promise to tell if eurotel can really boast of good facilities if either one of us gets picked up in the area in the future.

i re-acquainted myself with a short-lived hobby last week, which i hope i could do more often. it's funny how people talk about their own silent, private spaces often, and how no one seems to find one in this overpopulated city? i think i found my own spot. so i'm not telling where it is. but it involves lights, a stage, a playbill and wonderful writing. and eventhough i have been telling friends to come and watch with me, the goddamned honest truth is, i think i'd rather do it by myself.

i also returned to the courts last thursday to check out my smashes and drop shots. i still need some coaching on the legwork, but i am gaining a rep for doggedly chasing after the shuttlecock. nice! the only problem is my friends are all in makati and i have to make the ultimate sacrifice (agh!) and go there. but they're my friends. and i hope to end up in bed with some of them someday. hahaha!

i rerouted on my way home that same night and went to xaymaca instead where i meet up with iona and get to meet the members of session road. i reassumed a role i hadn't played in a while and naughtily went for the "iona's-boyfriend-for-the-night" schtick. hoot! hoot! hoot! totally.

i retraced my steps to that place last monday. they were already drinking by the time i got there. they asked, "what do you have with you" and i said "hamsters." and they said "drink up!" and i said "i have to bring them home soon." and the male hamster chewed his way out of the box i kept him in and he left the girl alone and i got so mad because i had gone to that place to look for him and he wasn't there and then the hamster was gone, which made me think the place was a vortex or something because i keep losing something there.

and now i'm retracing my steps to that first casual look. that first sideway glance. what if i had not gone with jae for a drink that night? what if i had insisted on going home? then maybe i wouldn't have known what alanis meant when she said "loving someone can actually feel like freedom". maybe i would still be wondering if there can be anybody out there who can go beyond the silence or the bombast -- whichever way my secret inner pendulum is swinging -- and say "hey, can i go with you on this trip?"

i'm reevaluating the days. if i can't move forward then i might as well go back. go back to what was there before you. the things that litter the path of least resistance. those days when i had my books, watched plays, bummed around with friends, scoped out far-away malls, indulged in expensive coffee, and bitch-blogging the rest of the working day away.

"maybe someday," cess tells me.

"or maybe i shouldn't get all worked up over it," i reply.

"i envy you. you move on so quickly."

"sometimes i quit too soon."